May 5, 2017 by dleecox
Recently I came under the “and duties as assigned” codicil of my job description.
I’ve been asked to write a “script” using a piece of software I’ve only been vaguely aware of for several years.
The following is the conversation I’ve had with this software for 8 stinking hours a day, every day now for a week:
Me: Ok! Excited to learn something new! Dr. Sanjay Gupta says its good for me! Lets look up some tutorials to get started!
Software Blarg: Hello world!
Me: SWEET! I’m programming already!
Blarg: Blarg version 0.2.11
Me: man, they’re gonna pay me some BIG MONEY!
Me: var = input.something + concatenate (endswith.”nards”) tuple tuple loo
Blarg: invalid syntax
Me: invalid syntax? what means, “invalid syntax?” I’m pretty sure I know what .object// return def means
Blarg: yeah, no.
Me: well, I’m just gonna head on over to The Googles and figure out where I went wrong
Blarg: you do that -snicker-
Me: Dear The Googles, Blarg syntax for tuple tuple loo indexed by int64
Googles: 1.5 million references to query, 1.499 million from this one particular site in which only Blarg uber nerds respond, generally berating and failing newbies to Blarg
Me: Yeah! thats the one!
http://www.blargnet-easyanswersfornewbs.org: newbie asks: “How do I get Table A to index to List B over dataset X
blargnet: @ThorsCodPiece responds: Which table are you trying to index?
Me: Table A
blargnet: @ThorsCodPiece: To what are you trying to index from?
blargnet: @FurriesFTW: you no use lists w/b, why you use list when all you have to do is index.T(‘,’).farfegnugen[x]?
blargnet: @poodles: dupe
blargnet: @ThorsCodPiece: fairly simple, actually. Try this: for i in while teepee.OverNight = if then else.[ ]*N
Me: <typing> for i in while teepee.OverNight = if then else.[ ]*N </typing>
Me: <retyping> for i in while teepee.OverNight = if then else.[ ]*N </retyping>
Me: blargnet, no worky
blargnet: @JJJameson: what version of blarg are you using?
Blarg: Hello world!
Me: Thats it. Margaritas for lunch. I’m out.
This evening I’m looking into moving to Costa Rica and living off the land.
*- liquid lunches were not consumed during the workweek. reference merely for effect