You were just here
11August 4, 2018 by dleecox
Ever miss someone?
They were just here
You left them right there
10
20
30 years ago
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Stealth Genius 
This is a poem, and perhaps a really good one. I like it a great deal. I might argue for the elimination of the second line. Look how well it clusters (below).
Ever miss someone
They were just here
You left them right there
Ten
Twenty
Thirty years ago
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Done!
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This is a poem. Seriously. I’m leaning towards a very good poem. I would argue for the elimination of the second line, perhaps. Or, maybe keep futzing with it. Below, look at how it could cluster. It’s more appealing to me, like:
Ever miss someone
They were just here
You left them right there
Ten
Twenty
Thirty years ago
LikeLike
Ever miss someone
They were just here
You left them there
Ten
Twenty
Thirty years ago
LikeLike
If you allow me to be your editor, I’d say that’s it. Take the second line out, take “right” from “right there” out. And you have this beautiful piece of poetry, aesthetically pleasing, too.
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If it is not yet apparent, this piece punched me in the best way possible.
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“…take “right” from “right there” out…”
I like the specificity of it. Like knowing you put your keys *right* there, but they’re not
Maybe “right” is the singularity, or point in time-space, and they’re not there anymore.
Some of these “words in a row” do strike me as poems now. Til now they’ve only been a string of words the monster whispered to me.
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I think you’re right about that. I mean, you were right there…thirty years ago. That piece of work was well done. It sticks, really.
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Meaning as important as aesthetic, that’s a tough one. But, yes, keep the “right”, for sure. I’ve been embedding “poems”, I call them bar charts, into my works lately. Sometimes, they’re well-behaved bar charts, and I drive myself insane making them perfect.
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If you don’t mind, I want to send “You Were Just Here” to someone special, yes?
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Absolutely!
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